The Truth of Lies

You know... it's true what they say: it's so much easier to lie than tell the truth.

This quote by Edith Sitwell just completely stands out in my mind right now: The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth. Another one that's sticking out in my mind is this one: A lie told often enough becomes the truth.

I've noticed that I've really never been myself; not since the time I entered into "the public life" at the age of nine years old. This is the time in which I really first began to discover the secular world. The all-too-true realism of life came at me kind of quick and to be honest --- I've never learned to deal with it... until now.

My parents near divorce when I was seven years old has always affected me --- However I've noticed that today it never really does anymore. The question that I wanna pose to myself is: why continue to go through life thinking of how bad something COULD HAVE been instead of concentrating on how good something IS? I dont know...

Secondly, it was at this ripe old age of nine years old that I was put out in secular societies' ever-watchful eye; it is when I captured the lead role in a play entitled "How to Eat Like a Child." I really think this is one of the worst things that ever happened to me and I'll explain why.

It was at this time that my acting skills began to greatly develop. They developed so much so that I've been told my parents consulted with someone about me actually going to Hollywood to do commercials and who knows what from there. It was due to this that I began "acting" out in my life. I really became someone I wasn't; the facade I've been putting on for nearly 12 years has been one of such lies, that I've really lost myself in them. It's true; once you begin living a lie, it eventually becomes your truth and the very essence of your being.

It hasnt been until the last few weeks or months that I've really come to grips with this realization and to be honest, it isn't one that I could've come to on my own. I totally believe that since I've begun the process of de-numbing my conscience and allowing it to control more of my life, that I've begun to become again, one who I used to be; the real true me. This all started when I began asking myself: Who am I? What have I been doing wrong for awhile? And I truly believe it has shown through in my life that the reason for all of this has to do with what I had originally been diagnosed with: Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Once I began to diagnose the problem however and deal with it, I started to notice things were different in me. I dont know if any of you have noticed a change in me within the past few weeks/months, but I've come to the realization that it is happening. SO I guess this is the point of this blog: be true. Hebert Agar got it right when he said this (and I'll close with this statement for you to ponder)

"The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear."