An Introspection Into Continued Holiness

"These, then, are the two points I wanted to make. First, that human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way, and cannot really get rid of it. Secondly, that they do not in fact behave in that way. They know the Law of Nature; they break it. These two facts are the foundation of all clear thinking about ourselves and the universe we live in." - C.S. Lewis

It continually amazes me that many people will read a quote such as this one and almost immediately disregard it without taking a look into the richness of it's depth.

The past few days, I've been hard at work. I actually nearly quit my job today because some of my fellow employees have made a habit of making things... difficult (for a lack of a better word)... for me as of late because they either believe I don't know what I'm doing, don't do it their way or just to mess with me. And sadly, this isnt the only area of my life that's been affected in this way lately.

I've noticed that another one of C.S. Lewis' quotes has been reigning as truth in my life; especially as of late. The quote is as follows: "The full acting out of the self's surrender to God therefore demands pain: this action, to be perfect, must be done from the pure will to obey, in the absence, or in the teeth, of inclination." It all started about a month ago when (for reasons unneeded of exposure) I broke up with a girl that I had been dating for nearly a month. This was mostly due to myself beginning to understand that I was taking on the persona of a side of me that I thought I had killed in late 2006. Apparently, it decided to come back again, I allowed it to control me and thus began to be fueled by my desires for self-indulgence.

Upon realizing this, I immediately knew that the time had come for me to kill this side of me and make sure it didn't resurrect from the past again. Since this time, I've regained self-control, grown in holiness and have tried to set myself apart from the things that continually bring me down. This however has not come without difficulties.

I've broken off many relationships as of late. People I used to call friends (I've come to realize) haven't treated me with the same respect deserved of that title. It's for this reason (many others due abound however) that any little irksome thing has caused me to basically write a note of farewell to that person. On the brighter side, I've cultivated the few friendships I wish to remain. The cultivation of where thorns and thistles once laid, due to my personal lack of watering the vine of friendship, has delivered many wonderfully new scents of surprises. Also, I've formed new friendships set upon the foundation of the only thing that matters. Many of you know of the foundation of which I speak; that being upon the One of Love with Truth, Justice and Mercy at His side.

Nevertheless, I've been thinking... have I been doing something wrong; something that needs to be worked upon; something that has brought about a cause for concern in others regarding either talking with and/or pursuing a friendship with me? After all, Jesus did on many occasions speak of judging your inner-self to be sure you're not guilty of the same thing before judging others on the subject...

(Side note: people take use the verse Matthew 7:1 as saying Jesus said not to judge. Here's the entire passage and I bolded the part that defeats this argument within the text: "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.)

... So what have I been doing to offend others (if anything) and what do I need to work on before I judge others on the subject? The only thing that comes to mind is the tone in which I say the things I do. While speaking with someone I've grown to admire qualities in quite a bit, it was pointed out to me that my definitions aren't always clear. (Thanks Britty) How then should I rectify this? Simple. Clearly define what I'm saying. Other than this, I cannot think of anything else that needs to be worked upon.

In closing, I'd like to take this blog full circle by reiterating what C.S. Lewis stated in my opening: "These, then, are the two points I wanted to make. First, that human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way, and cannot really get rid of it. Secondly, that they do not in fact behave in that way. They know the Law of Nature; they break it. These two facts are the foundation of all clear thinking about ourselves and the universe we live in." The question I pose to contemplate is simply this: when was your last objective introspection and have you been growing in holiness (defined as "being set apart from") since? If not, why is that? Could you be so consumed by your own self-desires that you have forgotten that the word self-control even exists. Do you even care about working on bettering yourself? Finally, if so, why do you care?

"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair." - C.S Lewis

The Inner Examination of Oneself

Many times, upon writing these short and brief chapters in regards to how I've grown to view the world, I critique things rather profusely whereupon I justify my claim. However, there is one thing I rarely do and should rather do more of; that is a critiquing of myself. I do believe people should know why I am the way I am, what I believe my inner flaws are and how I intended to work on them within the next certain time period. That time has now come.

Looking back on summer 2007, I cant help but realize I need to work on a few things in regards to my attitudes. Firstly, the way I come across to people. Apparently, I've been told, I have a snarky demeanor even when I'm not talking to someone. Now, while this person actually had issues with me and probably wasn't looking at me objectively, I do believe I need to take an inward look at this and wonder if there's any way possibly where I could have prevented that. My answer: pertinence. There's a time and place for everything and I must hold valid to the tasks at hand and how to deal with them maturely.

Pertinence is the first thing I need to work on. The second thing I believe that should be worked on is self control. Many times throughout this summer, I let either my emotions or feelings get the best of me. While this is normally not how I am (I'm stoic in manner some say), I KNOW that I lacked the true FEELING of self control. It was body before mind; my interest above others; time management gone wrong. The fruit of self control is bitter upon first bite, but it's taste is soothing.

Finally, I do believe that I need to work on inward security. While I in no way shape or form believe myself to be insecure due to my extrovertish mannerisms, I know deep down I do have some insecurities that must be worked on, most notably that of being left alone. While I'm secure in knowing that God said that it "not good for man to be alone" and that He will make a suitor fit for me, its been hard to live it because of the atrocities committed against me in the past. This, in my estimation, is something that I believe I will carry with me until the exact moment I get married and consummate that union in the marriage bed.

I hope this insight has helped you see a few things. First and foremost, that I am definitely NOT above reproach. I, like everyone, have mistakes and pitfalls that must be worked on and am not afraid to let ANYONE know what they are. When I say I'm an open book, I'm an open book. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Secondly, that I can take an inner, objective examination of myself to the best of my ability and confess it boldly. Finally, in my doing of this, I surely hope that you will examine yourself too, not only to see where your worldview lies, but also to see if you're "in the faith" as it were.

"But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another ... we (are to) speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but (rather) God, who tests our hearts." (Galatians 6:4 & 1 Thessalonians 2:4)

The Problem of the Conscience

The biggest problem for evolutionists (other than the Creation currently put on display right in front of all of us) is the conscience. Why is this such a huge problem for those believing in the theory of evolution? I'll give you a few reasons.

1) First we have to define conscience and take a look at the root/true meaning of the word itself. Conscience is defined as "the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one's conduct or motives, impelling one toward right action" (Dictionary.com) and "the sense of the moral goodness or blameworthiness of one's own conduct, intentions, or character together with a feeling of obligation to do right or be good" (Webster's Dictionary). Basically, the conscience is an inner court system, judging a person on matters of right or wrong. The word comes from the Latin words "com-" + "scire" which together mean "to know... to be conscious of guilt."

2) This word (and its meaning) can now be translated into understanding. This knowledge of being guilty implies universal right and wrong, as well as everyone's intrinsic knowledge of this fact. The conscience then accordingly stands as a judge inside the human mind in regards to ethics used by the person and judges them accordingly.

3) If points 1 and 2 are summed together this universal standard can only then be ascribe to something outside of human understanding and thus incomprehensible to man, unless it describes itself. Basically, a knowledge outside of human understanding, human desire and even man's creation himself and has to have ordered this conscience to exists and made up the standards by which it plays the game of deciphering right from wrong.

These three points, ascertained correctly and logically run together, thus then equal a being outside of human intellect, judging an individual, based on it's standards of right and wrong. While this undoubtedly proves there is a divine presence outside of the universe, it even more convincingly proves that evolution could not have provided this knowledge at it's supposed beginning or in any of it's supposed "gaps." Only true knowledge, such as this, can obtained from an outside deviant.

The Truth in Love

It's amazing what one can learn when asked to be humbled and is open to it...

What's one thing everyone accuses me of? Answer: arrogance. I normally say I can't help it that I'm right all the time. And to be honest... that is the truth. But to be honest, no one would listen to me (or will listen to me) because I'm missing something of utmost importance: love.

I was reading 1 Corinthians 13 again today. I've read it many times but today, I noticed I never really read verses 1-3. I read those verses and they are as follows:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

It just popped into my head what I've been doing wrong all along: I havent been loving in my demonstration of correct thinking. I've been so consumed by using my mind that I've forgotten how to use my heart as well. I've been so smart in my thinking, that God has dumbed me down in my ability to use my heart. I've become such a "clanging symbol" that no matter how truth I say, no one will listen... and why? Because I have no love in my voice or spirit.

This is mostly due to bad things happening to me in the past when I have used my heart and it especially ticks me off watching churches only talk about love, love, love, love, love, love and guess what: LOVE! While they're a bit over the edge, I've begun to realize that I've gone too far myself; the opposite way.

It's time for me to get back to loving on others like how I used to when I was in elementary school. I've let my own head get too big for myself. So big in fact that I lost the most precious thing I've ever had. I lost her because I wasn't acting in a prince like manner--- Yeah I would sweep her off my feet but it was because I could smooth talk. It was never because I just wanted to love her and be devoted to her; no matter how much of a "sleeping beauty" she was.

Only time will tell why God decided to only reveal this to me now. In spite of everything, it's time to press on, look upward and get back to "childlike" love (yet still mature thinking) and use it to impact others the way I know I should be doing.

The Will of God is Revealed

The following is a ridiculous story. Stay with me 'til the end. It won't be long.

Christians – Read the story and then the 3 points in order.
Non-Christians – Read the story and then read point 2 before the others.

A man wakes up early in the morning. He looks at his closet and puts his head down to pray. He then proceeds to get dressed. It's now breakfast time. The man opens up his pantry, puts his head down and proceeds to pray. He then proceeds to pour a bowl of Cheerios and merrily munch away. Onto work now he goes, but before proceeding, puts his head down to pray. After a hard day's work, the same man proceeds to a store to purchase an item. Unfortunately, he comes to a place of indecisiveness about which store and what item to purchase upon arriving at that store. After putting his head down to pray, the man proceeds to a different store altogether to purchase another random item. However, on his way there, a car runs a red light at 50 mph and slams straight into the driver's side door, killing the man on impact.

What's the point to this awkwardly depressing story? I'm sure that's what you're asking.
Well I have 3 points. Stay with me for them all.

(1) There's a difference between God's revealed will and "wondering what God's will for my life is": The first thing to be noticed upon when reading this story is that this man stops to pray for nearly everything. What is the point in doing this, one may ask. Well to be honest, the man seems to be indecisive and to better find out what God wants him to do, he lowers his head to ask Him. While this in and of itself isn't wrong at all, the reasoning behind it may be.

What is God's will for my life? Who should I date? What car should I buy? What job should I get? "I believe God will show me the way." All of these statements are usually made by people but my point is simply this: what's the point in asking these? To be honest, I really don't think God cares what we do regarding these areas as long as we stay within His parameters that He's so very clearly laid out in the Bible. Imagine if I made up the schedule for a day at a summer camp. Would you really come up and ask me which activity should be done, at what time, for what reason, etc.? No you wouldn't. You would simply see what's been written in front of you, decide within its boundary what you like and proceed from there.

Is this procedure to be followed for EVERY circumstance? Well no, but understand, God has revealed exactly how we should live, the type of person we should marry, what we should do in respecting His creation and how we should honor Him in everything we do. Do we really need more than that?

(2) Why do bad things happen to good people?: This is so easily answerable. There isn't ANYONE who does good. Crazy thinking but stay with me on this. Have you ever told a lie? What do you call people who lie? Liars correct? Have you ever stolen anything? If so, aren't people who steal things (no matter the value) called thieves? How about lusting after someone (same/opposite sex)? If so, Jesus said you don't have to actually commit the sin of adultery, you just have to think about it and you're an adulterer at heart. How about hating someone? The same can be said of this; if you've ever hated someone, Jesus said you're considered a murderer at heart.

If all this is true, then wouldn't you be a self-admitted lying, thieving, adulterer and murderer at heart? Even if you had done all these things only once, aren't you still guilty? If I was nice 99% of the time but raped and tortured one girl of 11 years old, wouldn't I still be considered a rapist and torturer rather than a good person?

If this is true, then of all on earth, there is not one who does good and can be considered a good person. We actually all DESERVE bad things to happen to us. And if that answer doesn't suit you, I'm extremely sorrowful (I truly am) but there's no other way to explain it. If we were good people, justice would state that we should have good things happen to us. But we're not. Therefore, in order for justice and love to be true, we must get what we all rightfully deserve: bad things.

(3) This man continually honored God in everything He did: My question to you is simply this: do you? I know I don't and it's extremely sorrowful. While I may try, I know I will fail but I know that's not the point. The point is that I'm trying. I'm trying to glorify the God who's been show gracious to forgive me for the sin that so easily ensnared me. I'm trying to glorify Him, not to be saved because then I could glory in myself on my own merit and works, but because He's the only one who worthy to be praised. He lived the true definition of love, justice and mercy and died while accomplishing them all only to rise again to reconcile us to do just that: glorify the Father.

After all of this, I sure hope you understand where I'm coming from and understand what I'm trying to say. I don't write these things for myself: I write them for you guys/girls to show you what I'm learning. If this is sillytalk to you, message me and we'll talk. If you understand, take it, do with it what you will but know this… this is something not to be messed around with lightly. Point 1 is a matter of how to live life. Point 2 is a matter of life and death: eternity in damnation or glorifying the gracious Creator of the universe. Point 3 is what everything is all about.

Decide what to do. It's in your hands now.