The Inner Examination of Oneself

Many times, upon writing these short and brief chapters in regards to how I've grown to view the world, I critique things rather profusely whereupon I justify my claim. However, there is one thing I rarely do and should rather do more of; that is a critiquing of myself. I do believe people should know why I am the way I am, what I believe my inner flaws are and how I intended to work on them within the next certain time period. That time has now come.

Looking back on summer 2007, I cant help but realize I need to work on a few things in regards to my attitudes. Firstly, the way I come across to people. Apparently, I've been told, I have a snarky demeanor even when I'm not talking to someone. Now, while this person actually had issues with me and probably wasn't looking at me objectively, I do believe I need to take an inward look at this and wonder if there's any way possibly where I could have prevented that. My answer: pertinence. There's a time and place for everything and I must hold valid to the tasks at hand and how to deal with them maturely.

Pertinence is the first thing I need to work on. The second thing I believe that should be worked on is self control. Many times throughout this summer, I let either my emotions or feelings get the best of me. While this is normally not how I am (I'm stoic in manner some say), I KNOW that I lacked the true FEELING of self control. It was body before mind; my interest above others; time management gone wrong. The fruit of self control is bitter upon first bite, but it's taste is soothing.

Finally, I do believe that I need to work on inward security. While I in no way shape or form believe myself to be insecure due to my extrovertish mannerisms, I know deep down I do have some insecurities that must be worked on, most notably that of being left alone. While I'm secure in knowing that God said that it "not good for man to be alone" and that He will make a suitor fit for me, its been hard to live it because of the atrocities committed against me in the past. This, in my estimation, is something that I believe I will carry with me until the exact moment I get married and consummate that union in the marriage bed.

I hope this insight has helped you see a few things. First and foremost, that I am definitely NOT above reproach. I, like everyone, have mistakes and pitfalls that must be worked on and am not afraid to let ANYONE know what they are. When I say I'm an open book, I'm an open book. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Secondly, that I can take an inner, objective examination of myself to the best of my ability and confess it boldly. Finally, in my doing of this, I surely hope that you will examine yourself too, not only to see where your worldview lies, but also to see if you're "in the faith" as it were.

"But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another ... we (are to) speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but (rather) God, who tests our hearts." (Galatians 6:4 & 1 Thessalonians 2:4)